Being a thick lady comes with its own fair share of insecurities. For the most part of my life I have always been a lady with some extra flesh and it gets to me most times. You know, wearing a body con dress and trying so hard to suck your tummy so as to have an induced hourglass shape.

All the shit we have to go through, stuff like weight-loss, ketogenic diets, body-shaming, fat-shaming and all the likes.

Well, times have obviously changed and in recent times, flab and folds are supposedly to be seen no longer. Toned arms are the order of the day. Sumptuous cleavages, outrageously-flared hips and rounded butts without the slightest hint of a bulging belly are top desires.

The idea of beautiful, sexy, desirable has clearly turned on its head. From big to toned arms. From bulging to flat bellies. From looking good, confident and making the best of your body to becoming a girdle-purchasing woman.

Understandably, most of this has been pushed largely by western influences and what Hollywood portrayed as beautiful… Botox, suction and surgical enhancements, protracted gym subscriptions… etc.

As great as it is to move with the times though, becoming insecure as a result of any of these things is simply not cool. Especially as it relates with men

THIS IS HOW THIS AFFECTS  MEN.

So a guy meets a chubby woman he likes and they hit it off. Man, smitten and utterly in awe of woman’s beauty repeatedly tells her of how the sun rises in her eyes and sets in her cleavage. Man’s in love genuinely and thinks he’s found the one. He’s unconcerned about the folds and he’s just loving her and her mind and body; doing the right thing and treating her right.

Everything is OK till woman sees man’s slimmer ex or friends and begins to become sensitive about her own body, obsessing about how he thinks about her, regardless of what he repeatedly says about her.

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Ladies, you need to understand that there are men who love folds and curves and natural boobs [droop and all], stretchmarks [so far they are not by-creations of bleaching cream] and all other things that are at oppositions with the new-school, mainstream idea of beauty.

If a guy says he likes you just as you are and shows it, please don’t ruin it with your insecurities. Thick is good. Men like plus-size as they like skinny. There’s someone out there who likes all the contents of that goody-bag and when he does come, don’t be too carried away to believe it. It’s true. He loves all your curves and your edges.

One can only give assurances for so long. If you keep smothering him with your weight insecurities, he’ll be fed up. And it’s even worse when you complain about this weight thing and you do absolutely nothing about it.

In that case, it becomes manipulative because you have no desire to change the thing you regularly claim to have no problem with. Yet you mention it just so you can hear him tell you yet again that his world revolves around your bumbum and thick waist.

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Obsession with your weight is unsexy, especially when a guy has repeatedly said he has no issues with it. It is frustrating to always have to drag him back to the subject when he’s clearly shown that it’s not an issue.

If you must hit the gym, hit the gym. If you think you are becoming too big, do something about it. Constantly asking what men think about this and that is actually tedious when obviously the only one who has a problem with it is you. And the only one who has the power to change it is you as well.

If there is any thick lady out there who is going through the same thing, brace up and love yourself with all the extra flesh there is to you.  Do let me know how you have managed your insecurities in the comment box.

IN YOUR HEART!! IN YOUR HEAD!! WITH MY MIC AND MY PEN!!