I am a Nigerian not just any Nigerian but an Igbo lady, and I am sure most of us are aware of the pressure to get married on time from an Igbo parents. The crazy thing is that the stress is not just your parents only even your aunties and uncles are secretly counting your days for you….(whosh)… I can’t deal!!

It’s 2020 and I’m turning 28 (Ada is a becoming a big girl…lol). Years back, I went through a rough patch in my relationship. So I decided to throw myself out there in pursuit of finding consolation from the world fortunately I understood better and I learnt that definition was key before starting any relationship. I also learnt that we women are the cause of our problems; we see the handwriting on the wall but we fail to let it sink.

Consequently, I am going to be sharing with us few steps on how up our relationship game and also stop some mistakes we should avoid. I hope some of us relate to them and also put them in action.

1. Go into a relationship with little or NO expectation – trust me darlings, this saves you a whole lot of headaches. Especially in terms of sex – don’t expect that a well-built man would automatically be amazing in bed. You might be disappointed!! Zero expectation is KEY.

2. Never compare your present guy with an ex. Just DON’T do this, NEVER!!!

3. Before you start any relationship please define it – so you are sure when you guys are just ‘friends with benefit’ or in a ‘true relationship’.

4. Hey people, you never need to convince someone to be with you – God created you in His own image and likeness so you don’t need to throw yourself at anyone just so they accept you.

5. Be yourself – this is one is more vital to the ladies; you don’t have to over dress or apply too much makeup just to get the attention of a guy. I am not saying makeup is a bad thing but please, stop forming when you see a cute guy.

6. In line with the above, positive mental attitude and self-confidence go way further than padded bras, too much makeup and ten inch heels.

7. Heal properly before you go into a new relationship. This 2018, let’s end this belief that a new guy will make the old pain go away.

8. You can’t give what you don’t have – in order words you attract what you give out. Negative vibes attract negative people and positive vibe attracts possible people.

9. Always remember that you deserve the best. Never settle for less.

10. If you are feeling distant from someone, or if you’re in the early painful stages of casually dating and you’re not sure where you stand, instead of being equally distant back, be open and honest. Tell them exactly how you feel and what you want. The wrong ones will run away but the right ones will stay.

11. You can’t change people – I have heard countless tales of people saying ‘ if only they would change XYZ.’ You cannot change people. You may be able to change annoying habits like leaving the toilet seat up, but fundamental personality traits you can’t. If someone is an introvert, a party animal, arrogant, unemotional, and unsupportive – that is who they are. You are wasting your time trying to change the traits you don’t like in your partner. You need to decide if you think the traits you don’t like are a deal breaker, and if so – leave the relationship. Or, if they are minor and more annoyances than deal breakers, just learn to deal with them.

12. Don’t be scared to walk away. This is a tough decision but if you don’t want to end up as a punching bag or a single mum later in life with 3 kids then walk away if he isn’t treating you right.

So readers is there anything I missed from the list, do let me know in the comment box.

IN YOUR HEART!! IN YOUR HEAD!! WITH MY MIC AND MY PEN!!